During the year that followed my father’s passing I kept a special journal dedicated to letters written to him. Letters he would never read, but that over time would bring me healing and comfort amidst my mourning. Today is April 30, 2015 – 401 days since his passing – and I feel a particularly strong longing to see him and to speak to him. So it seems fitting to start sharing my letters with anyone else how might be interested in reading them. Perhaps someone out there is mourning the loss of their loved one, and my letters will bring them comfort. May they know that they do not mourn alone.
The earlier entries express great sadness – The death of my dad broke me. But as the year went on, my letters began to include signs of hope and contentment. I’m not there yet, but I’m healing a little every day. And I’m still writing letters to my dad.
April 25, 2014:
It’s been a month since you left us Dad. And I miss you terribly. There are times I forget you’re gone, and there are times I can’t believe it.
So I’m going to keep this little journal as a way to write to you. It has a wooden cover. I thought you’d like that. I’m writing this first letter as I sit out back on the deck, on the bench that you built. In a minute I’ll bring the barbecue out from the shed that you and I built together. This yard – this house – is full of memories of you.
When you first left us I was very angry (I still am at times), and I desperately wanted God to give me a sign that you were okay – that you’d safely made you way to heaven. And that heaven is real. I’d still like to receive that sign but I guess I’m a little more patient now. It’ll come. In time.
I love you,